2022-05-08

• I tend to think of myself as an “independent thinker,” a “weirdo,” a “barbarian in citizen’s clothing”. I do things other people don’t, I like things other people don’t, I see the world in a way others, generally, don’t seem to. Of course, this isn’t a unique characterization, many other people think this independent-mindedness applies to them. And also it’s really a matter of degrees. I conform at various times and not at others. The imemediate reaction to this kind of thing is to ask something like “ok, sure, but what makes you think you are different in a way that’s different from everyone else?” When I think about this question, I think a compelling answer lies in my childhood. My closest companion from birth, my earliest peer role model, is someone on the spectrum. When you grow up loving someone on the spectrum, you learn to love things that others don’t, to see things in a different light from most folks, to be open to things when others are closed. Naturally, this is a generalization, and these ideas have their limits. You can’t put on the citizen’s clothes without giving up some amount of your inner barbarian. But it’s this experience from my youngest days that I think separates me most from others. I internalized that there are things most people will not see, often won’t even know to look for. Of course, this lens must be applied to myself, too. There are things I don’t see, there are things I don’t know to look for. And I wouldn’t know this without having gone through various experiences that showed me that the limits I see in the world around me are often limits of my own vision and not the limits of the world.
  
• You ever play a game with others and someone gets way too into the game and does something extreme? And then you or someone else is like “woah dude, it’s just a game.” I think that’s a really interesting thing. The person playing the game in an extreme way has forgotten, in some sense, that the game is voluntary. Why else would they take it so far as to anger others? So, to that person, the game really isn’t a game, it’s serious. The thing is, prior to the extremeness in question, it’s almost always the case that the other players were also approaching the game from a place of seriousness. In almost all cases, the other players were doing their best to win, and assuming specific roles/behaviors consistent with the rules of the game. And in those actions, they too were forgetting the voluntary nature of the game, they themselves didn’t know “woah dude, it’s just a game.” Only when things got sufficiently serious did they remember that it wasn’t serious at all. Fun little paradox.
  Fueguia 1833, The Spirit
  Todo
  
• buy something?
  • chocolate?
    
  • khiels?
    
  • wine
    
• eat something
  
• finish getting dressed
  
• workout a little
  
• shower/shave
  
• pack
  Perfumes
  
• Fuegia, The Spirit

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