2022-10-15
- My Dad recently emailed me on the topic of military service, specifically to comment on whether it is something to recommend to young people. He shared some reasons that his views had evolved over time. He asked me what I thought. This was my response. I publish it here as a record of the ongoing evolution of my thinking about my decision 10+ years ago to join the Army.
- START MESSAGE
- The reasons you bring up for being skeptical that the Army is right for most people seem like good ones to me. I don’t have much to add to them. We don’t seem to care for veterans in a way that reflects well on our society. I would agree that much of the “action” taken in that area seems perfunctory. Our culture does seem obsessed with other things. I suppose we can hold onto some hope that these unfortunate obsessions are only reflective of the loudest parts of our society, and not the values of most Americans. But who knows anymore. On the flip side of all this, I do think that we should continue to be wary of too much lionization of the military. The US government does not always do the right thing. Eisenhower seems to have had something approaching the right level of skepticism about how citizens should think about the military. Seems like the goal is to love the soldier and have some distrust of the establishment, which is my understanding of Ike’s views.
- One thing that’s interesting though, is that my reasons for whether I, or someone else, should be encouraged/discouraged from joining the military is very different from what has been brought up here. I would label what you’ve identified as “strategic”-level concerns. But as someone who was inside this institution, the “tactical” level is what immediately comes to mind when I think about what is a good/productive/healthy decision here. And this “tactical” level gets pretty murky, as it always somehow manages to do.
- Ultimately, I don’t totally know what I would do if I had to go back and make the decision to join ROTC again. Part of me thinks my decision there reflects something good and important. I recall feeling a strong sense of responsibility to my family around contributing to the cost of my education. I recall feeling a strong sense of duty to my community to give back and serve, thanks to having received so many wonderful experiences growing up. Those still strike me as good impulses and values. Living those values still seems like a good thing to try to do. This is true even in the broader context of a society (or maybe just our particular social stratum) that does not seem to place a high emphasis on these same values. Sometimes I have even run into people in our (mostly) liberal elite circles who openly disdain such things as too costly (e.g. would “hold them back” in their career) or as being beneath them (this is rare, but has happened). But the lack of alignment with others is
not, generally, a good reason to change our own values. As that one guy said, “in matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand fast.” After almost 30 years here, that does seem like the right idea. I’m glad that I tried to live that idea, even if it has been challenging in many ways.
- Of course, there’s a flip side to feeling good about this decision. At this point, the biggest thorn in my side about the decision is that I committed myself to this project for such a long time. I failed to sufficiently anticipate the extent to which I would change and grow as a person over the course of these last 10+ years. I do consider this to be an error in judgment. I think I was intellectually capable of recognizing that risk at the time (or having it explained to me). I was simply ignorant. Of course, this is understandable. It’s not easy to get a lot of perspective on this kind of issue at age 18. I don’t recall many peers having a particularly well-informed view of this situation at that time. It’s a tough nut to crack, for sure. And, I do wish I had taken this risk more seriously. Not that I really could have done much about it. The Army did not then and does not today offer customized contracts to volunteers. But I wish I had slowed down and made more of an effort to
think through the time aspect of the decision more seriously and get guidance from people with a better perspective.
- Now, there are also other things I think were mistakes in my decisions around ROTC/the Army. I wish I had taken more seriously the importance of community within the Army when choosing my job. I think it was probably a mistake to join the Infantry. Like many mistakes, it was a well-intentioned decision. It was borne of a sincere desire to uphold the Golden Rule: I appreciated others doing the hard work of being an Infantryman, and I did not want to make excuses for myself to take what is conventionally considered a “cushier”/“easier” job. This is a nice and important sentiment. I continue to try and live up to the Golden Rule. And yet, there is more nuance to the situation. By taking the Golden Rule so seriously (and somewhat masochistically), I failed to recognize the extent to which I was effectively isolating myself within this organization. I have never come across a person in the Infantry that espoused a similar reason for choosing this particular job. The vast majority join
the Infantry out of a sincere and extreme sense of patriotism and a (generally mistaken) desire for glory. This doesn’t make them bad people. But it is not really the same “why” that I had. Unfortunately, this has made it hard to form strong social connections in the Army. I have a few solid Army friends, and have met many solid people, but there is nobody that I consider particularly close to me as a result of my service. This has been very hard. And choosing to be an Infantryman likely contributed significantly to the challenge here. Had I chosen another role, I think this situation could have been different. I now have a greater appreciation for the importance of finding the right tribe. And, I think it was a mistake to not recognize that importance earlier and take a broader view about how I could contribute to this institution. I think it would have been better for me and the Army if I had leaned into being a computer person in this sphere, or maybe radios.
- But, you live and learn. I think these are good lessons. I sometimes wish the price had not been so high to acquire them. You know, why can’t life be easy? On the other hand, maybe the high price was helpful for really ensuring I learned the lesson deeply. And maybe being one of the few people in my peer group to have publicly paid a fairly high price in service of our community will contribute to something important down the line. Tough to say. I’ve found I can kind of make whatever I want out of it, when I get to this point in my thinking. It all really does seem to be a “choose your own adventure” story at the core.
- Love, Wm
- END MESSAGE
- One thing I would add here as a postscript. It was challenging to share this with my father in a direct message, so I’ll post it on a public blog readable by strangers. The above description of mistakes may seem somewhat level-headed, circumspect, balanced. This is intentional, it reflects how I want to feel about the experience. It is also a byproduct of time and distance from situations that were actually extremely painful. The social isolation I described above is absolutely not something I would recommend as a good experience for others. It was, in many instances and for extended periods of time, brutal. I think it’s worth noting that much more cumulative time for me has been spent in a state of pain about the above mistakes than has yet to be spent in a state of detached rationality or whistful reminiscence. The above is thus something of a veneer that I project to the world to avoid a situation where people feel the need to directly respond to fairly traumatic experiences
that I’ve had. Since this blog has no comment section and is an async comms channel, I have less of a problem being somewhat more open about it.
Date
October 15, 2022