2023-09-07

• I am feeling so withdrawn from things recently. Seems like very few things really give me joy anymore. It was striking to be at Burning Man and find myself suddenly become so engaged with basic activities. Maybe it’s a sign that my life in general is too easy. Burning Man is sort of an artificially created adverse environment, but it does introduce real struggle in certain ways. Maybe I just need to exercise. Maybe I’m misreading this whole thing and only paying attention in this area when I feel particularly listless. Tough to say. Should probably start with the exercise bit.
  
• I don’t really know what to tell people about Burning Man. I’m not sure I have great words for what was interesting about it to me. I’m also not particularly confident that what was interesting about it to me will be relatable for other people. Makes me a bit uncomfortable talking about it. I’ll try to give an example of what I mean. Recently, I’ve been feeling pretty lost in life. I’m not interested in participating in many of the things I used to enjoy (though, I will note, I do still have some things that I find exciting/worthwhile). Sometimes, I structure my thinking about these base feelings using metaphors. And a common one here is that, in metaphorical terms, I feel like a man wandering through the desert. I struggle to find nourishment. I struggle to quench my thirst for meaning. I don’t know how I ended up in this desert, and I don’t know which way leads me back to the promised land. My days are spent boiling under the hot sun. My nights are spent shivering in cold emptiness. It’s not great, but it is also just a metaphor. According to most/all measurable physical realities, I am fine. Or maybe even great! But this metaphorical structure really is something I find myself coming back to regularly. Ok, fine. I think this isn’t particularly interesting, as my belief is that most people are using metaphors in this way almost all the time. It’s a key part of how we relate to others and ourselves. What is interesting is having the opportunity to make my real physical circumstances more closely align with the metaphors that structure my thinking. And that was something Burning Man allowed me to do. And it was profound. In a very literal sense, I became a man wandering through the desert for extended periods over the last week. Uh oh. Pulling up to the airport. Anyways, if you find yourself carrying around a metaphor to explain your life, it can be fun and interesting to make your physical reality reflect the metaphorical state of your life. Can be helpful for learning or unlearning things I think. Anyways, gotta go!

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