2023-10-17

• What if it took 10 years to achieve something you consider to be worthwhile? Would you pursue it? What if for the first 2 years, it felt like you weren’t getting any closer to the goal? What if, even if you achieved the desired outcome, your quality of life at the end was lower than it would have been had you not taken the leap? How long can you go before you need “to see results”? How long will you persist on something when most people around you don’t believe in the mission itself or the path you are taking to get there? What are you willing to sacrifice just to take a shot at something you believe in?
  
• I think about the above questions fairly regularly right now. It’s one of the most interesting parts of not having a job and working on my own side project. When I had a job, I never really had to think about these things. I was on a well-defined, well-understood, well-compensated, well-respected path. And that’s a fine path, with its own interesting questions, too. But being on a different path recently has been a breath of fresh air. Challenging, yes. But a test of strength that I currently find worthwhile. An exploration of something deeply human. The desire to build. The experience of coming face to face with an uncertain outcome and future. Going against conventional wisdom, to some extent. I think about quitting my current path almost every day and returning to my old path. What I’m doing feels unsafe compared with the old path. Safety is a primal need, and I can only ignore it for so long. Eventually, I will go back, in all likelihood. But even facing the fear, for as long as I can, is a good exercise, a worthwhile adventure. It is teaching me about the world and about myself, things I don’t think I’d be able to learn on my other path.

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